friends

09 Jun friends

now that i am supposedly older and wiser, i think a lot more about who is in my life, who i would die for maybe or who i can talk to when i am feeling blue.  those people are called friends.

as a kid i didn’t have the time to cultivate any meaningful life long friends because of the whole moving schools every six months to a year until i was in high school….i had four years there.

that was that and i moved on to ohio where i met new people who became friends and we all moved to dallas and i met other new people there too but it was a really big group of people….i clicked with some and i didn’t click with others, as is the way with people.  reading my journals from those days is kind of neat in many ways…i am able to see how i was feeling about the things i am feeling now.  about friends.

there are very few people i think i could really rely on in any critical situation
i feel like i used to hang out with so many people and i did!  at all the points in my life up until the past few years….these past few years i have not spent much time with any friends except once in a while breakfast or a show….

one friend she’s been my friend for years and i really questioned that this past fall….i felt like i wasn’t being listened to and i would think back to all the times i was having some issues or whatever and needed an ear and that ear usually ends up being my ears with this person…where they’ll listen for a minute not offer anything really comforting or supportive and then they talk about themselves again and their woes.  it made me feel invisible.  so i reached a tipping point where i said don’t contact me anymore….looking back there’s always been some kind of contention….and i don’t want that in my life and that’s ok

it’s never been easy for me to make connections with people.  most of the people who still talk to me are people who have known me a long ass time and who have been with me with the ups and downs.

then there’s tangential people who i wish i could be closer to because i would be their friend…i would sit in the coffee shop or park or near a river and listen to them tell me their woes.  i understand woes.

two weeks from today i am leaving for one hot fucking ball of a state……yee haw mother fuckers!